My teenage and young days were spent during a period of existential theories. Existentialism was a western social and artistic movement. It was a new philosophy that influenced all forms of art and hence the social life.
Hippies
were in vogue. Though I was in India, a far off eastern country, existentialism
reached my land through literature, art and tourism. Writers introduced the
philosophic theories of existentialism into our young mind. We read existential
novels and poems and lost all hopes in life. We saw hippies coming to our
tourist centers. Their long dirty hair, unwashed dress, blank eyes,
disinterestedness in food and all made us to think of the futility of life. We
also felt at a loss.
To
all those woes added the big problem of unemployment in our state. Every
village had tens and tens of unemployed youths. We gathered in social clubs and
spend the days playing chess, caroms and cards. We left our homes in the
morning without breakfast, spend the day without lunch and went to home late at
night. We were a burden to our parents. Even their last days look blank.
The
rising sun was a pain and the setting sun was a consolation to us all.
Existential novels zipped our mouths for days; existential poems took away all
our dreams. We enjoyed not even the comfort of sweet dreams.
We
fell in love assured of parting. Every youth had a story of an unfulfilled
love. We loved to give and take pain.
We
need frustration to live in those days. So we wished, dreamed, fell in love,
promised and broke. We knew that all our deeds and thoughts would result in
frustration. Frustration was the only reality then.
We
knew that none of our dreams would fulfill. We loved pain. Pain and frustration
was the only reality. Young men of the time looked skinny and older than the
oldest in the village.
Days
have gone now. Unemployment is not a great problem now. All existentialist
theories have faded. The new generation does not even understand the novels and
poems of that period.
Life
now is commercialized. It is a different world now.
We
have many opportunities for success. We have stories of many success people.
Hippies
of the past are replaced by young successful entrepreneurs. Innovative ideas
are discussed everywhere instead of the old absurdity. We are positive. We find
no reason be otherwise.
I
have also changed. I am positive now. I am expecting more and more success with
every sun rise. I am eager to set foot into tomorrow because tomorrow will be
better.
But
I still realize the struggle in my mind; the old existentialism and the new
positivism.
A
question surfaces in my mind now and then – what is right; the old
existentialism or the new positive attitude?
I
am struggling to feed my mind with positive thoughts, positive impulses, positive
stories etc. etc. For a while everything looks good, but then again, at certain
times, the same question pops up.
Every
blog that I write is a speech to me. Every word I write is a struggle to create
a positive attitude in my mind. Every word I speak in motivational seminars is
a part of that great struggle to overcome all those negative thoughts of
existentialism.
I
am positive now. Still I am afraid that this struggle may go on to my death
bed.
The
good thing about this struggle is that, I have decided to defeat the negative
attitude of my young days.
I
am a winner. I am winning. I will win.
(I
am sharing this personal experience for those who are going through the same
psychological struggle. You are not alone. We are winners.)
Professor
Jacob Abraham
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